You’d be lying if you said this was not the most exciting first round of the NBA playoffs we have had in recent years. The first round has been absolutely fucking electric so far. We’ve had 1 and 2 seeds go down, we’ve had upsets, we’ve had all-star performances, suspensions, techs, shit talking, unfortunate injuries, and sweeps. The NBA script writers said they could not have duds like the last few years and gave us nothing short of amazing. If you’re disappointed for any other reason besides your team getting bounced, you simply do not know ball. We even have a GAME 7 tomorrow night!
Alas, all good things must come to an end though, but it’s just making room for even better matchups. I know there is still one more series that needs to finish in round 1, but round 2 officially starts tonight. So, let’s take a look back at my record through our round 1 recap, and get our round 2 predictions in. (If you don’t care about my winning record round 1 recap, skip straight to the Round 2 predictions below it. Don’t forget though, you may want to read the analysis since… I know ball.)
ROUND 1 RECAP- RECORD 5-3*
*This record depends on the winner of game 7 tomorrow night. Losses in Red, Wins in Green.
Bucks vs Heat
Hand up here, I was wrong about the Heat. I thought they were dead after losing the first play in game and I didn’t even pick them to make it out of the play in. Now, I do think it’s a different series if Giannis does not get hurt (the narrative that the Bucks 2021 ring is fraudulent now and Giannis is actually bad at basketball is so stupid, but again clearly people don’t know ball,) but Jimmy Butler went fucking nuclear and deserves all the credit. An all-time collapse by the Bucks, simply inexcusable. Also, Jimmy talking shit to Jrue Holiday after every bucket, even when he was down, is so awesome.
Celtics vs Hawks
Let the record show I had the Celtics in 6. I am a genius. I would have loved to see the Hawks upset them or take them to game 7, but as much as I hate the Celtics, I knew they were too much for the Hawks. Also, the Hawks were better without Dejounte Murray. Guys a bum.
76ers vs Nets
I gave the Nets too much credit here. I thought they would get at least 1 game in the series. They did not, because they suck. Clean sweep even with Embiid hurt. Not much else to say.
Knicks vs Cavs
All of ESPN was sucking Donovan Mitchell and Cleveland’s dick, but not this guy. I said Knick in 6, it was actually in 5 because Rowan Barrett Jr., our sweet prince, outperformed the guy everyone wanted to trade him for (Not me though.) And you guessed it, those guys just don’t know ball.
Nuggets vs Timberwolves
Hand up, another mistake on my part. I thought Anthony Edwards would get some help, but I was wrong. Nuggets with a gentleman’s sweep and if we’re being completely honest it was never even close.
Lakers vs Grizzlies
Y’all really thought bumass Dillon Brooks, bumass Desmond Bane, and bumass Ja Morant were going to send Lebron and AD home? The Grizzlies were better without Ja, that was the only game they won! In the words of Lebron James “Shit is Lightweight Hilarious.”
Suns vs Clippers
I put too much faith in Kawhi, when in reality he should start getting the Ben Simmons treatment (we’ll get into that at a later date.) With him going down, and no Paul George, the Clippers never stood a chance. It’s a shame because Kawhi was cooking KD too.
Also Devin Booker went bananas this series. Even though he’s corny, have to give him credit.
Kings vs Warriors*
When I picked the Kings to upset the defending champs in the first round, everyone called me a madman (nobody said this.) And now we have Game 7 on their home floor. I am sticking with my pick! The Kings will get it done. Fox and Monk have been too much, and even though the Draymond suspension ended up being a positive for the Warriors, they will come up short. Their run is over.
ROUND 2 PREDICTIONS
Eastern Conference Semifinals
76ers vs Celtics
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I hate the Celtics, with every inch of my body. I cannot root for them to win, and I will not choose them in this series. That may be me thinking emotionally, but I’m a Cancer (my girlfriend taught me astrology.) It really all depends on how healthy Embiid is, and apparently it just came out he might miss the first 2 games.
In simpler terms, not good. But I am trusting in James Harden. He is going to slap around Boston like he did that guy in Vegas, until Embiid comes back.
This is going to be an all-time series. Give me the 76ers in 6, I don’t think they get it done if it goes 7.
Knicks vs 76ers
The New York Knickerbockers are hosting a round 2 playoff series in 2023.
Get hyped Knicks fans! Because not only are we hosting the semis, we are going to win the semis. I do not give a fuck about Jimmy Butler; I have always called him a fake tough guy. RJ Barrett is going to continue is kill streak and murder the heat. Jalen Brunson is going to do is 3-point celebration all over Miami. Hart and Mitch are going to get so many rebounds, I might not be able to count them all. AINT NO STOPPING OBI TOPPIN. And the added rest time will let Julius come back ready to kill. KNICKS IN 5. THAT’S RIGHT. A GENTLEMAN’S SWEEP I SAY!
WESTERN CONFERENCE SEMIFINALS
Nuggets vs Suns
I will continue to pick against the Suns until I am right. This is going to be a very tough series, but I hope, *I hope* the Nuggets can beat the First Seed Fraud allegations. I don’t think they have ever been to a Western Conference Final (this could be wrong but if they have been before it’s been at least a decade.) We know Jokic and Booker don’t like each other, good. A good series thrives off the negativity. KD is KD we know this, but if the Nuggets can limit Paul and Booker, they will win the series. Denver, pack this corny team up, get your revenge from the “Suns in 4 Guy” and go to your first Western Conference Finals ever. Nuggets in 7.
Lakers vs Warriors/Kings
This is going to be a tough match up for the Lakers either way. As a Lebron fan I would rather see them face the kings. Maybe that’s ignorant of me, since the Kings had the best offense in history this season, but I know ball, and I like that match up better. Even if it’s the Warriors, the Lakers are packing either one of these teams up. Darvin Ham finally learned how to coach, and the Lakers should ride AD’s coat tails to the Western Conference Finals. That man is playing absolutely unreal right now. Throw in the greatest player of all time having another dominating playoff yet again, and you have the recipe for success once more. Lakers in 6! I’ll see you all for round 3.
