*Clears throat* in my best Chris Hansen voice “Why don’t you have a seat right over there as you read this blog.” Are we catching predators tonight? No, we aren’t aliens. But yesterday a great point was brought up on twitter.
I cannot stress this enough; this casting would literally be better than the original. And this is not shot at Chris Hansen but it almost feels like Stephen A. was made for this. Can you imagine a predator comes in the house and Stephen A. comes out just yelling “YOU HAVE BEEN HOODWINKED, BAMBOOZLED, LED ASTRAY!” Or instead of Stephen A. saying “THE LAKERS STINK” (which they do) he just makes eye contact with the predator “YOUR LIFE CHOICES STINK!” Instead of him getting Cowboys fans out of his face he could have the crew take the predator away.
I mean the list literally goes on and on. Stephen A. was made for this roll, you still don’t believe me? Just look at his highlight reel;
I just put in a call to Hollywood so they could start production (they said they’d get back to me.) If you want to see more just look at all of the quote tweets because I could go through them all day. They’re just too great. But Stephen A. is a pretty busy guy. He may not have the time, and for this scenario let’s say he passes on the gig. The show must go on, predators still need to be caught. So, who are some good celebrities to fill the role? I’m glad you asked.
First Choice: Druski
Easy choice. I can just picture the predator walking and Druski laughing as he turns to the camera to say “We fuckin’ got him.”
Druski has almost as good of highlight reel as Stephen A when it comes to this. The tone in his voice as he called the predator “dumbass” would be felt through the television. Best part is he could put the entire thing on his Instagram live for “Could’ve Been Records” and just continuously clown these clowns. And yes, they do deserve to be clowned.
Just imagine Druski trying to run after the predator dressed as a cop. That’s must-see TV right there.
Second Choice: Steve Harvey
Another easy choice, and I could even see some of you advocating for him as number one. Could you imagine you go from an hour of Steve Harvey clowning families for their dumbass answers on Family Feud:
To the very next hour of him catching and clowning predators? Talk about a nice TV dinner right there. If there is anyone that could rid these streets of child predators, I think it would be Steve Harvey. Now we probably wouldn’t have as much clowning as Druski, but that would probably be warranted since this is no laughing matter. Still watching Steve Harvey make this face over and over again at a child predator as they try and talk their way out of it, would never get old. Uncle Stevey’s a family man, he knows if the family’s feuding nobody wins. I’m just keeping it a buck like I’m winning on Family Feud. I’m really a rap God.! I’m sorry let’s get back to our regularly scheduled programming.
Third Choice: Whoever This Guy Is
I have no idea who this guy is, but just having him say why the entire time would be fantastic. “I was here to meet so and so tonight.” “Why?” And then he just keeps going with the why’s. Amazing. Better yet let’s bring Chris Hansen back and just have him play this video the entire time instead of him saying anything. I can see it now, that’s incredible.
Long Shot Choice: Steve Carrell as Michael Scott
I think this is the only choice that tops Stephen A Smith. Steve Carrell has to stay in character as Michael Scott the entire time. Could you imagine the predator walks in and this is the reaction we get from him:
The amount of emotion we would get with Michael Scott is incomparable. We’d get anger, then sadness, probably an ill-timed joke or dumb question. Having him as the host may not fly in today’s day and age, but it would definitely be a very high rated show with a lot of viewers I’ll tell you that. I would watch just for the hope of getting this reaction once the predator tries to explain himself:
We should never have to have a show like “To Catch a Predator.” But if we’re going to bring it back, then it is clearly Stephen A’s job to lose.
