I never thought I would fall in love with another man, but it all started about three weeks ago. I was losing, losing at everything, losing at the game you call life. My fantasy was that I would be winning, but it just was not happening for me. I was down in the dumps, I was counted out, you could say I was in last place. They say you don’t look for love it just finds you, and that’s what happened to me. I was searching, searching for a running back, and I found a Cowboy. That’s right, I’m talking about Tony Pollard.
GIANTS FAN LOVES COWBOW?
As a New York Giants fan it absolutely pains me to love a Cowboy. Que the music: “What is loveeee? Tony don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more.” I fucking hate Dallas and I root for them to lose every single game. But Tony Pollard has literally saved my fantasy football season. And he’s done it in more than one (1) league. These past three weeks he has single handedly taken me from a guaranteed spot in the consolation bracket, and brought me into playoff contention. With the win he secured me this week I jumped from the 9 seed to the 6 seed in one (1) league! That’s right, the final playoff spot is now mine to lose!!!
FANTASY FOOTBALL LAUGHING STOCK
Most of you who know me, know I absolutely suck at Fantasy Football. A better investment for me would literally be selling ice to the people of Buffalo, NY at this current moment. (They just had a historic snow storm in case you didn’t know.) I think I started 1-4 in all three of my leagues this year. Absolutely dog shit. I was the laughing stock to everyone. People saw me as their opponent and they said “This guy Buttah’s team sucks. It’s an easy W this week.” I was taking 3 L’s across the board consistently. I used to check my fantasy scores and immediately have to disconnect due to the sadness.
FANTASY FOOTBALL ICON?
I put every person on the trading block. Nobody wanted to trade with me. They all thought my players were ass! Well, they were most certainly wrong about this man! This is the second week in a row I have won all 3 fantasy football games! That’s right, a clean sweep again! Now it is I who says “These guy’s suck! It’s an easy W for Buttah Fingers, Tompa Bay Buttahneers, & Jamar Chasin Bread not Bitches” (Absolutely elite names I know, I came up with them.)
THE CINDERALLA STORY
Now I am not celebrating by any means whatsoever. I have literally put up the least amount of points in all three of my leagues (this is changing now though, I had most points this week in 2 of the leagues. FUCK WITH ME.) But all I needed was a fighting chance. Do I still have the slimmest of slim chances to make the playoffs across the board? Yes (20% chance to make the playoffs in one league, 19% chance to make it in another. Not great.) Will I most likely lose out of the playoff spot I am currently in? Yes. But there is a chance that I pull this whole fucking thing off and win all 3 leagues. I see it now! Tony Pollard continues on his hot streak, leading me to victory (he put up over 30 points in two of the last three weeks, if that’s not a reason to love another man I don’t know what is!) the right teams lose, and I sale off into the sunset with some new Benjamin’s in my pockets! WHAT A CINDERELLA STORY!
1ST PLACE AND MVP!
The Cowboys play the Giants on Thanksgiving this week. I will be rooting for the Giants to obliterate the Cowboys as Tony Pollard runs all over us! He’s my guy now, he’s been with me through thick and thin. We were at rock bottom together, and now we’re going to the promised land. What a story that will make when I receive my championship trophies. I’m going to look over at Tony as I stand up on that stage with tear filled eyes and tell him…
