As we gear up for week 9 in the NFL some teams are looking drastically different. And by some teams I mean my Fantasy team. Literally everyone on my bench is currently on a bye. I had to pick up a new wide receiver, a new running back, and a new defense to try and savor this week. I’m projected to put up less than 100 points (this is no different than any other week my fantasy team is more ass than the McRib.) But that’s not what we’re here to discuss. The trade deadline came and went earlier this week and there was more movement than Shakira’s hips! There was a record 10 trades that happened before the deadline on Tuesday.
See, my hips don’t lie and neither so I. With all the moves that were made you would think people ended up in all the right places. (Ha, get it? Like the song.) But sadly, that is not the case. There were some clear winners and losers after the deadline, so let’s break them “down like the economy”(Lil Wayne said this in a song once, that’s a bar right there) shall we?
Winner: Miami Dolphins
It seems like all of the concussion talk may have finally knocked some sense into the Dolphins. They used their noggins to make a great trade acquisition at the deadline, they were not dazed and confused. As they look to contend for a super bowl this year, (do we really believe they’ll do it I don’t really think so) they added Bronco’s star defensive lineman Bradley Chubb (ayo?) and already signed him long term.
With Chubb going in Rock Hard—excuse me Hard Rock stadium down in Miami to help out a defense that was struggling to get to the quarterback, the Dolphins have solidified themselves as a true contender. They also traded for another running back, Jeff Wilson Jr. from the 49ers, but everyone was so excited about getting a Chubb it didn’t even matter.
Loser: Detroit Lions
What the heck is going on in Detroit? You have one of the highest scoring offenses in the league and you trade away your star tight end? I guess Dan Campbell is a boob guy then. They should change LMAO in his phone to LMTEO! (Ha, get it?) And to top it all off they trade TJ Hockenson (that’s the tight end) to a team in their division. Not just any team in their division I might add, they trade them to the first-place team in their division, the 6-1 Minnesota Vikings!
A real bonehead move by a real bonehead organization. They didn’t even improve the defense that has been losing them game after game. Absolute madness.
Winner: Minnesota Vikings
For obvious reasons. Their tight end Irv Smith Jr. went down with a substantial injury, so they picked up their division rival’s!
Loser: Minnesota Vikings
They still have Kirk Cousins as their QB. Ol’ Kirky Cousins doesn’t do so well in primetime. Kirk has proven he clearly isn’t like that, and everybody they have to face is going to like that.
Winner: 2023-2024 Jacksonville Jaguars
That’s right, next years Jaguars are already *Charlie Sheen voice* WINNINGGGGG.
I would BET they’re already winning more than Calvin Ridley when he placed the bets that got him suspended for the year. Hopefully he’s ready to pounce next season. (Get it since he’s a Jaguar now.)
Loser: 2022-2023 Jacksonville Jaguars
They traded for a guy who can’t play until next season. That is kind of funny. We should expect nothing less from the organization who have $60 million over 5 years (I’m not fact checking this) to a college coach and then fired him before he could finish his first season.
Winner: Chicago Bears
This a surprising one, I don’t think Chase Claypool is that good, even though I was kind of hoping for him on the Giants. But this is a great pickup for the Bears. Justin Fields is in his 3rd year and just got a good wide receiver. Judging by these QB’s that received an upgrade at wide receiver in their 3rd year, if history repeats itself, it should be a good thing for the bears.
Loser: New York Giants
But Buttah, the Giants didn’t even make a trade how could they be losers? In the words of Herm Edwards “YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME!” You can’t win if you’re watching from the sidelines!
The Giants, MY Giants, needed to make a move and they did not. We desperately need a wide receiver to help out with the offense. Not one of our wide receivers has over 200 reception yards on the year. That’s disgusting! There were rumors of Claypool, Jeudy, or DJ Moore and we ended up like Evan Engram trying to catch a pass, empty handed. The two best teams in the NFC, the Eagles (who might be the best team in football) and the Cowboys are in our division. We needed to make a move to contend with them or were most likely going to be on the outside looking in. Could the reason they didn’t make a move is because they are nearing deals with a certain free agent? Could they be reaching back like 1-3 (that’s a Drake lyric, he only drops bangers) to the past and bringing back OBJ? Hmm.
Winner: Baltimore Ravens?
The Ravens traded for Bears linebacker Roquan Smith. So, they did what they do every year, improve their defense and not pay Lamar. Maybe this will keep them from blowing leads which is what they’ve done so far, all season. So, they get the question mark because they might be winners but I’m not sure.
There were some other trades that happened, but if they didn’t make the most prestigious list online did, they really even matter? No, they did not matter. With all the winners and losers of the trade deadline, one team didn’t lose any weight and they were still the biggest loser (that used to be a weight loss show that I watched with my mom.) And that team is…
Biggest Loser: Denver Broncos
We all know why… (it doesn’t matter that they just beat the Jaguars last week!)