I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas. If you celebrate anything else kick rocks. (I’m just kidding, I hope you all had happy holidays as well.) Even though Christmas has passed I am milking it into the New Year. After all we still have 3 Kings Day (shout out my Puerto Ricans!) Side note I had to do a Christmas Play for my religion class in first grade and my role was one of the three kings. So just in case you didn’t realize, ya boy has always worn the crown! But that’s beside the point. I know all of your Christmas trees (real or fake) are still up, which means we can still talk Christmas. So today we are going to give the correct break down of the TOP 5 Christmas movies of all time.
JUST MISSED THE CUT
With the amount of *good* Christmas movies there are (there are also a lot of bad ones) not everyone was going to make the top 5 list. It’s just the way things work. Here is a quick list of the movies that just missed the correct top 5 list:
- The Christmas Chronicles
- Jingle All the Way
- Miracle on 34th Street (The Original)
- Eight Crazy Nights
- National Lampoons Christmas Vacation
- Fred Claus
All quality films, truly. But in the end, they just missed the cut. If you want a more in-depth reason of why they missed the cut, CLICK HERE. Otherwise, let’s get into *THE CORRECT* Top 5 Christmas movies;
NUMBER 5: THE POLAR EXPRESS
If you don’t believe the Polar Express is a top 5 Christmas movie, then you’re the exact person who needs to watch it. It does not matter that it’s animated, it does not matter that it may be for kids, it embodies everything Christmas is all about. I’ll never forget my 2nd Grade teacher got our class reindeer bells just like from the movie. And guess what? IT STILL RINGS! Not to mention, this movie has potentially the greatest Christmas song in it. The message the movie sends about a child who is struggling to believe as he gets older is marvelous. It has everything a perfect Christmas movie needs, IF YOU JUST BELIEVE!
NUMBER 4: HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS (2000)
Jim Carrey put on an absolute master class in this movie. The reason this is a top 5 Christmas movie is because of him. None of the other Grinch movies even crack the top 10. Let’s be clear, the Grinch is not the bad guy here. While we condone some bullying to build character (just kidding) the who’s of Whoville bullied this man into leaving town and then bothered him while he was just minding his business. Do I fault the Grinch for stealing Christmas? Absolutely not. If it was me, I don’t even know if I would’ve given it back. But in the spirit of Christmas, he gave it all back, that alone gets the Grinch on the top 5 list. If you don’t have this Grinch movie in the top 5, then you’re the real Grinch!
NUMBER 3: THE SANTA CLAUSE MOVIES (1,2 & 3)
Now this should be reserved for one spot, but I group all three of these movies together, because they are all that good. Tim Allen literally might be Santa Clause, and when I say might be, I mean he is. Tim Allen is Santa Clause. The first Santa Clause movie is the best of the three, but they are all magnificent. His entire journey of becoming Santa in the first movie just feels magical. The hair changing color, his belly going from slim to fat, little kids lining up to tell him what they want because they truly believe he is Santa! MAGICAL I SAY! I think I speak for all of us when I say we were all like Charlie and tried to make him remember he was Santa. And oh, when he finally does… then the gingerbread really got cooking with fire!
The first Santa Clause movie is perfect. While two and three are not perfect they are still good. Watching him find a Mrs. Clause and defeat Robot Santa is a very fun movie. Then watching him lose Santa to the evil Jack Frost, to then struggle and fight to get it back is a Christmas victory we all needed and loved. That is why 2 and 3 get grouped in here, but let’s be honest. One is the reason they make this list.
NUMBER 2: HOME ALONE (1 & 2)
Home Alone is a PERFECT Christmas movie. PERFECT! It is the best in the Home Alone series, with the 2nd following close behind. Both are must watch films every year no matter how many times you’ve seen them. Every kid has had that Kevin McCallister moment. So mad you wish your family was gone or saying “I hate you” to your parents. And every kid has that Kevin McCallister moment of wishing they never said that and wanting mommy back. The reunion is always a feel-good moment in these Home Alone films, but it’s everything in between that make them Christmas classics. While it is very unrealistic that Kevin booby traps the houses in the short time frame, it is always fun to watch him do it.
They also did not miss when they made the sequel in New York. Anything after two should not be associated with this historic franchise. Not to mention the performance of The Wet Bandits who later became The Sticky Bandits. There’s nothing left to say, Home Alone is perfect, and if it was not for this next movie, it would probably be number 1 on this list.
NUMBER 1: ELF
This is not up for debate. This is the greatest Christmas movie of all time. ALL TIME! It is comedic genius, while still giving you that Christmas, sappy, tug on the heart strings feeling. Oh, you don’t like ELF? Everything about this movie is amazing. The entire discovering NY montage is within like the first half hour of the movie. Talk about a hot start!
Everything about this movie is amazing. His first interaction with his dad is him yelling he loves him in front of his entire office. He then buys him *women’s* lingerie. He’s in the North Pole and he’s singing! Smiling is his favorite! HE KNOWS SANTA! God, I love this fucking movie. I almost forgot about the mailroom seen! And when he yells at the Doctors office from getting his finger pricked! Or when he calls Peter Dinklage a South Pole Elf! Laugh out loud funny! It’s really so good man. And through all that comedy, we learn that Buddy did belong, just like we all do! And we learned the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear! This movie is the single reason I sing my heart out every Christmas season. A PERFECT Christmas movie.
Side Note: This is the worst part about Elf. Zoe Deschanel was absolutely crushing it and in comes mom to absolutely butcher the song. I look forward to it every time just to laugh. Was it butchered purposely? I don’t know but it was butchered. BUT, don’t forget, it was that butcher that got everyone singing! So, I pride her for her courage, and I laugh for her sound.
THE CORRECT LIST
Well, that’s the list, the correct list. Those are the top 5 Christmas movies of all time. Any other list is incorrect. Could a new movie come along and change the list around? I don’t see that happening, unless of course it’s a movie I write. Maybe I will gift that to you all one Christmas, but for now I gift you the correct top 5 Christmas movie list. Enjoy, and make sure you watch them next Christmas time.
